Hi Everyone! I wanted to take a moment to introduce to you Mr. Mike Peterson the artist who did the artwork for the cover of my new CD “The Adventures of Dr….
Good day, Sunshine.
Blocking the Sun
Sunset Silhouettes @ Copalis Beach, WA
NON-BINDING BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT
is entered into on the _____day of __________, 20__,
by_______________________, between ____________ and ______________.
THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES & PRINCIPLES:
1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good & we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 PM - we don’t have s**t to talk about.
4. None of that “lovemaking” s**t - only sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where’re we heading w/this? Do you love me?) The answer’s no, so don’t ask!
6. No plans made in advance - that’s why you’re called the “backup,” unless you’re from out-of- town, then it’s only a one-time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted - money’s always good.
8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons w/former lovers - it’s really none of your damn business.
10. No calling each other “friends w/privileges” we’re not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don’t be offended.
12. No extra clothing - I don’t want your ass leaving anything behind when you leave.
13. No falling asleep right after sex - it’s over, so get your ass up, get dressed & go the f**k home.
14. Don’t be offended if I don’t ask if you enjoyed it - I don’t care.
15. You cannot borrow my car for any reason.
16. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be: “My roommate’s girlfriend/boyfriend.”
17. Doggy style is the preferred position - the reason is less the eye contact, the better.
18. Shower BEFOREHAND.
19. No condoms, no f*****g. Carry your ass home.
20. Bring your own drink - I’m not your liquor store.
21. No phone use, please - don’t want anyone calling back looking for your ass.
* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS:
The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement.
If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it’ll automatically become null & void & you’ll then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST, deleted from phone memory & email list. In other words, you’ll be BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understands the rules.
Participating Party #1: Signature___________________________________
Participating Party #2: Signature___________________________________